


Time Gone By

by mmmelmoth



Category: NCIS
Genre: Action, Action & Romance, Emotional Hurt, Emotions, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, Sad with a Happy Ending, TIVA - Freeform, Tears, Tension, how it should have ended
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-08-29 05:20:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8476897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmmelmoth/pseuds/mmmelmoth
Summary: this is actually the first fanfiction I ever wrote, and about the first OTP I ever had. It was first published on wattpad, but now that I finished it two years later, I decided to edit it and feature it on AO3 as well.This takes place after Ziva stayed in Israel and Tony went back home, but I basically wrote a different ending instead of the horrible stuff that happened in season 12. I hope you enjoy it!





	1. Prologue

Nobody ever asked why Tony wasn’t dating and flirting any more.

Nobody wondered that he didn’t stare at every pretty woman who passed his way. He hadn’t told anyone what happened in Israel, but nobody asked him.

His jokes weren’t as funny as before and his smile not as bright.

 

* * *

 

(Present time)

He lay on Bert, next to Abby, in her lab. The music was not as loud as usual, but the beats as fast.

They didn’t talk; they just stared at the ceiling. Finally, Tony broke the silence. “Why does nobody ask me about Ziva or about how I am? Why does nobody ask me how my life works and how I manage to go on?”

Abby turned around to him. “’cause you are broken, Tony”, she answered, “Everyone sees it and the ones who care don’t want to hurt you by asking.” He pulled his neck into Bert to make him fart as long as possible. Abby tried to smile, but it didn’t work as well as she had hoped. Nothing had been the same since Ziva was gone.

“She asked me once if I believe in soul mates.”

“And, do you?”

“Dammit, Abby, she was the one!” Tony sat up. “Why did I let her go?” “It’s not your fault, Tony”, Abby said calmly. “You know, I also thought that once about someone, a few years ago. Sometimes, you’re just wrong and you have to get along with it.”

“Who are you talking about?” Tony asked, with a grin on his face. “Wait, was it McBambino?” “That doesn’t matter any more. He’s happy with Delilah, you see, and I am also happy with him just as friend.” Abby kept playing with one of her rings. Tony closed his eyes for a few seconds. “You know, I wasn’t the kind of guy with long lasting relationships and soul-mate-stuff. I never felt about someone like that before and I don’t know how to handle it. Ziva wasn’t just any woman. And I can’t get through this without any help, Abby.” Tony looked her straight into her light green eyes.

"Admitting that is the first step. And you know we'll stand by you. I... I tried tracing her. Even though it felt like I shouldn't. She's off the radar. And if she doesn't want to be found, maybe you need to let her go."

"That's what I was afraid everyone would tell me. I don't think I can yet." His throat tightened up, feeling like this was one-sided.

"I don't think, she could too. She forced it. But it wasn't what she wanted, I'm sure.“ Somehow Abby managed to say exactly what he needed to hear. And in that moment, it didn't make a difference whether it was the truth or not. It was enough to hold on for another day.

Before he could answer gratefully, Gibbs barged into the lab, making both of them jump up. "DiNozzo, we've been looking for you. There’s new evidence about our case. A new suspect, McGee traced him near the Navy Yard. Grab your gear.” “Sure, Boss.” Tony moved fast into the elevator. Gibbs kissed Abby on the cheek and ran into the elevator. “Take care, guys” Abby shouted and waved with a faint smile on her lips.


	2. About twenty minutes later

“That’s ridiculous. Here are too many people. We’ll never find him.” Tony grumbled. “Hey! Over there!” Gibbs whispered. He was right. The man they knew from the photos on the flat screen stood right in front of them. They took their guns out. “NCIS! Do not move!” Bishop shouted. “Put your hands on your head and turn slowly around!” The guy turned around, a big grin on his face. “Alright, get on your knees.” _Why was the man smiling?_ He was about to be arrested. Bishop focused on him. “Everybody stay calm!” McGee told the confused people who were walking around on the Navy Yard. The man got slowly on his knees and his grin became bigger and bigger. “Fine” DiNozzo put his gun away and walked towards the suspect. He pulled out his handcuffs.

Suddenly everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Gibbs shouted: “Everybody get down!” The suspect put his hand inside his jacket to pull out a gun. He whacked it across DiNozzo's forehead. While Tony was falling, the man fired twice. Tony heard six following shots. He couldn’t see if anyone was hurt.

When he crashed into the ground, he spotted a woman, in the other edge of the Yard.

She just stood there; she didn’t seem terrified by the gun shots. He knew her. His pulse vibrated. Like through a wall of cotton, he could hear his boss shouting his name. Every single part of his head hurt. When he tried to open his eyes, he could see nothing but blurred lines.

“Tony!” Bishop and McGee started saying his name to wake him up. Gibbs slapped his cheek softly and Tony wanted to answer that he was awake, that they don’t have to worry about him, but everything that came out of his mouth was a suffering noise. “He must have hit him pretty hard!” Bishop said. “I’ll call an ambulance” McGee replied. DiNozzo wanted to disagree, he tried to open his mouth, but then everything went black.

~~~~

* * *

 

 

The people around were really terrified. There was a dead man laying on the ground and nearly next to him another man. _Was he dead, too?_ Most of them didn’t see much of what happened. They just heard gun shots. Everyone wanted to catch a glance at the body. “Could you please leave here? Just leave. Go on with whatever you were doing. Thank you.” The NCIS agents showed their badges and tried to keep the people at bay from the crime scene.

The woman at the other end of the Navy Yard watched them. She knew all of them, except the blonde new female Agent. The others called her Bishop and _probie_. But probie wasn’t her name. The woman knew what that meant. She knew a lot. Finally she turned around and walked away from the Navy Yard, away from the crime scene, away from the agents she once knew. They all didn’t change much. But she did. Because she thought that was what she wanted. She made her own decisions and started a whole new life.

And nevertheless, she was back. Back in Washington DC, although she had promised herself never to return. No one had noticed her, not even the security cameras. She knew how to hide; she knew how to stay unrecognized. It had been part of her job.

The question was just, how long she wanted to stay undetected.

She walked down the street, entered in her car and drove along the route. As usual, she drove really fast, because that was the best way to avoid bombs.

Meanwhile back in the Navy Yard, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo got put into the emergency ambulance with a fracture of the cranial bone. He woke up for a few seconds. “ _Ziva…_ ” he whispered weakly. Then his eyes closed again.


	3. One day later, in the hospital

“He slept all night long. Just leave him a bit alone and get yourself a coffee. I’ll inform you when he wakes up” the nurse said. McGee, Abby, Gibbs, Palmer, Ducky and Bishop stood around DiNozzo’s bed. “Let’s give Tony a rest, he’ll need it.” Ducky agreed and slowly left the room. Jimmy and Bishop followed him. At last, Gibbs also turned his back to DiNozzo and walked out. “Coffee sounds great” he grumbled. “What are we doing, McGee?” Abby asked. Her eyes were filled with tears. He pulled his arm around her. “Every second week or once a month I have to visit someone I love in the hospital. How long will it go on like that?” She complained. “It’s part of the job” McGee answered quietly. “Maybe I understand why Ziva didn’t come back” Abby added. “It’s okay, Abbs, it’s okay.” They just stood there and hugged each other. “I’m glad you decided to come back, Timmy” she whispered.

 

Tony’s heart beat regularly. His eyes were still closed; a bandage was applied around his head. The nurse brought him something to eat and to drink; she left it on the table next to his bed. Gibbs sat on the chair in the edge of the room, a coffee in his hands, waiting for his longest known agent to finally wake up. The others were in the cafeteria. Gibbs didn’t say a thing. He just sat there, watched Tony sleeping and drank his coffee.

“ _Ziva_ …” Tony suddenly opened his eyes and took a deep breath. “Enjoyed your nap?” Gibbs smirked. “Boss…?” “He hit you with his gun. I shot him. Glad to have you back, Tony.”

“I need to do something. It’s really important.” He tried to sit up, but he got aggressively hugged by Abby who stormed into the room. “DiNozzo! You’re awake!” she cheered and Tony laughed. The others entered the room, everyone with a bright smile on the face. “What, did you think I’d die?” He asked. “You didn’t open your eyes for nearly two days” Ducky replied, “We’re all glad that you’re conscious.”

 

* * *

 

“No, you can’t go home, Mr. DiNozzo! – ... No, you listen to me first. You got hit pretty hard on the head. That’s more than just a concussion, - no, we have to keep you here a few days!”

“But you don’t understand! I’m fine! I can go home!”

“I’m afraid that you’re not the one who decides that, Mr. DiNozzo!” He stood face to face with the nurse, his teeth were clenched. “Fine” he said and went back to his bed. “They won’t let me out!” he told Abby angrily. She sat on the side of his bed, Bert in her arms. “Sometimes, you need to enjoy being sick. I’m not sick very often, but when I am, I make myself tea and cookies and listen to music really loudly. You can’t do that here in the hospital, but look, I went home and brought you Bert!” Abby smiled and handed him the stuff-hippo. “Thanks, Abbs, but… you don’t understand why I need to get out here.” “Explain it to me then.” she answered. Tony sat down next to her. “I thought… I thought I saw someone. I thought I saw Ziva before I hit the ground. Is … Is that possible?” He felt stupid while talking. “Oh my god” Abby said. “I tried to find her everywhere in the world. She can’t have be back in a long time, a couple days at most; otherwise I’d have noticed her. Tony, it would be so great if she was back!” “Abby, I need to find her! I _need_ to see her again. How could I not?” “Promise me not to get your hopes up too much. I don't want you to hurt even more. But time has gone by; a lot of things might have changed.

Nevertheless you have to stand up for what your heart wants and I can’t do more than say that I wish you all the best of luck with that. I truly do. Every one of us wants Ziva back, but no one does like you do. I can’t promise that everything is going to be alright, but you just have to try.”

Abby picked up her umbrella and turned to leave. “Rest for a bit. Good night, Tony.”

 

 


	4. The next day, in the afternoon

 

 

The few things he had here in the hospital were easily packed up. He was ready to leave. “You are really sure that you don’t want to stay any longer? Just to make sure, that you are okay, Mr. DiNozzo…” “No, I'm perfect. Thanks” Tony interrupted the nurse. She was the same as the days before, a young wary read-haired woman with dark confident eyes. Of course she was nice, but she never seemed to share his opinion - on anything. She just meant it well. “Okay then!” she said as DiNozzo moved down the floor, concealing his instability as well as he could. Finally she turned around. There were other patients she had to look for.

Twenty Minutes later, he arrived at his apartment. He often moved; that was one of the reasons why nowhere felt like home. His emotional bound to the NCIS headquarters for example was way stronger than the one to these decent couple of rooms. With his mind wandering, his fingers fiddled with the keys to open his door. But it was already open.

Someone broke into his apartment. Suddenly, he felt dizzy. Maybe he should have listened to the ginger nurse. Maybe he should have stayed in the hospital just for another day. He took a deep breath before he pulled out his gun. Then he walked silently into the apartment, searching for an interloper. “Who's there?” he shouted, entering the kitchen. He couldn’t see anyone, just like in his living room. “That's not funny! I am a federal agent and I have a gun! Come out now with your hands behind your head!” He felt stupid.

There seemed to be no one. He was yelling at blank walls. Sighing he put his gun back into its holster. He fell down on his bed and massaged his head. He would just take a fast nap. When he would wake up, he’d feel better, he promised himself. Grumbling he took off his shoes. Then he just closed his eyes and tried to sleep.

“Sorry to disturb.” He had pulled out his gun faster than he sat up. It pointed right at the dark haired woman who leaned against his bedroom wall. She wasn’t smiling. Her hair fell curly around her shoulders. It was longer than the last time they met. Tony froze. On the one hand, he wanted to hold her tight and never let go, but on the other –

“What the  _hell_  are you doing here, Ziva?” He didn’t put the gun down, just to not feel weak. She had made him so vulnerable. He thought he’d never see her again, she broke his heart. “Why are you here?” he repeated, a bit calmer. Her eyes were cold, but she wasn’t afraid of the gun that was pointed at her.

“I am sorry” she began, but her voice broke. She took a deep breath. “I thought I needed to start all over again, you remember?” “Yes, I remember” he wanted to answer, but he couldn’t say a word. “Well, that idea kind of blew itself up” she continued. Her eyes were focused on a point at the other edge of the room, just to avoid looking at his pitiful face. “What does that mean?” he asked doubtfully. Finally he got his voice back. “You broke my heart. You had me believe we'd never see each other again, and here you are standing in my room after you watched me getting beaten up by some stranger in the Navy Yard without even trying to help. You could have taken care of this, you could have kicked that guys’ ass before his gun came even near my head.”

“Tony, I got a reason for this!” she broke into his shouting. “Oh, that better be a really good reason because I am really - not capable of understanding your decisions!” he forced himself to calm down. She finally looked at him and suddenly he wished he hadn’t said all those things. He had forgotten how it was to look into her eyes; he had forgotten how beautiful she actually was. How her eyes lingered on his face as if she was marveling at a sunset or even the sun itself. Ziva stood up with a broken expression on her face. She looked down on the floor. “You want to know the reason why I’m back? You really do?” she asked silently. Her stern expression softened in a gaze of vulnerability he thought he'd never see on this woman.

“I am pregnant, Tony.”

 


	5. Then

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously:  
> "I am pregnant, Tony."

Her words hit him nearly harder than the barrel of the gun two days ago. His pulse was jumping without control; he felt like a rabbit in front of a big approaching truck.

“That… That’s great” he finally answered, “And who-…” He knew that he didn’t have to finish that question. “You” she replied. “Are you… I mean are you sure about that?” After saying it, he noticed that that was the stupidest thing he could have said. “I haven’t slept with other men after you went back to Washington if that’s what you mean”. All the things he wanted her to know floated around in his head, tumbling over each other, drowning him in noise, and all the _questions_.

“However, you can crash here for a while if you want, I’ll sleep on the couch.” is what came out of his mouth. How could he feel so blank in her presence? That woman had been like a sister to him for years, and then finally something even more. Sometimes he'd thought he knew her better than he knew himself. “Thank you. That was what I was hoping for” she answered.

Why couldn’t they talk like before, why couldn’t everything be like before she left? The answer was obvious: _Because she went away, because she ripped a hole into his heart and left everything behind_. Did she regret it? “Okay. Good!” Tony replied. He would've done anything avoid that awkward silence. “Well, this is just horrible” Ziva admitted while nervously squashing her fingers. Tony nodded. Nobody dared to raise their voice for a while. She stood there, leaning against the wall and studied the other side of the room. He sat on the bed and watched her, her dark brown eyes. He remembered the very first time they'd kissed, ages ago. It had been a fake; he just had gotten to know the young passionate Mossad-Agent and he never thought he’d have to do with her for a long time.

There they stood now, time gone by, and so much had gotten between them. It was like there was an invisible barrier which separated them, a wall of unspoken words and unasked questions.

“Do you want to eat something?” He broke the silence. “Actually I’m starving” she replied and the hint of a smile appeared on his lips. “There should be a few things in the fridge. Come on, let’s go get you something.” He got up and she followed him out of the bedroom. “Nice apartment you have there, by the way” she said and leaned over his shoulder to see what was in the fridge, paying close attention to the safe distance between them. “Oh, I don’t really like it. It’s too … decent and ordinary.” He answered. That made her face light up, if only for the brink of a second. That's how she'd always felt about her rented apartments in Washington.

“We have salad and deep-frozen pizza. That sounds like a real fancy dinner.” He took the things out and went to the oven. “Tony, you don’t have to do this” she interrupted silently. “Do what?” He asked while washing the salad. “Let me live here, make me dinner.” “I would've cooked something anyway..." No, he wouldn't. "... but you could help me with the pizza, if that’s what you mean” he smiled. She took the pizzas out of the wrapping and held on.

“What I mean is, you're in no debt to me, you don't owe me this. I … I must have hurt you so much and you’re still polite and -…” She didn’t finish her sentence.

“I’m just glad you’re back” he replied, swallowing everything else he wanted to tell her. They kept cooking, and with time the atmosphere seemed to slowly adjust, or maybe even lighten up. When they finished making the meal, they sat on the couch to eat. “Do you want to watch a movie?” He asked. “Of course, you go ahead and pick one.” The slight smile made her face shine. Since Tony had moved here here, he hadn’t watched many movies on the large TV screen yet.

He went through his DVD-collection. He knew he wouldn't bare to watch a romantic comedy with her, or any action flick because of the past that connected the two, so he decided to pick a Fantasy classic. “You want to get an insight into one of the many worlds of McElvenking?” Her face lit up at that, and he was reminded of how much he loved the feeling of making people laugh. Especially her.  “In fact, in all these years I’ve been in America, I never watched _The Lord of the Rings._ ” "Then that's some basic education in movie history you're about to receive." Tony started the DVD.

They sat next to each other on the couch, eating pizza and discussing the movie. It was _almost_  like she never left. When she had questions, they paused the movie and he answered each of them patiently. McGee probably would have cringed at how he explained Tolkien's wonderfully built-up world.

One or two hours later, she had slowly fallen asleep, her head on the couch just a few inches above Tony’s shoulder. Silently, he brushed strands of hair out of her face and finally lifted her up with so much care, as if she was made of a fragile china, to carry her into his bedroom. After he had laid her down, he gently tucked her in and froze in the door-frame. No, kissing her forehead now would've been a bit strange and creepy. So he switched off the light and left the door standing ajar open. “Good night, Ziva” he whispered. 

 

 


	6. the next morning

Ziva woke up early. She didn’t recall falling asleep. The last thing she remembered was a scene from the movie and that she sat next to Tony, laughing and eating pizza. Before breaking into his apartment, she'd played through every possible reaction scenario in her head, but she hadn’t even dreamt about watching a movie with him and finally falling asleep in his arms. She looked around. Suddenly she knew why DiNozzo said that this didn't feel like home. It was too impersonal, even if he placed his movie collection and a single poster. Careful to make no noise, Ziva got up quickly and hurried into the kitchen. Tony still lay on the couch, snoring, and his hands on the pillow. The sight of him made her smile. She laid the table for breakfast without waking him up. When she was done, she walked over to him. “DiNozzo!” she whispered. “Get up!” He slowly opened his eyes. “Morning” he mumbled and sat up. “I made breakfast” she responded. “Really” he said and walked towards the table. “Well, it’s the last thing I can do after you let me sleep here” she answered. He sat down and took a bagel. “You can stay here as long as you want if this isn’t … too awkward” he said, the mouth full filled. “Thanks” She took a seat across from him and served herself. Of course it would be awkward, but she had no other place to stay. “Don’t you want to go to work today?” she asked. “I don’t think so. I’m just out of the hospital for one day; I’ll try to recover a bit before I get back.” “Yeah, he did hit you pretty hard” she agreed. He wanted to ask why she didn’t do anything after that guy beat him up or even better before he beat him up. _Well, she couldn’t have known that he was going to do that_ , he told himself. “Don’t you have luggage or stuff you brought from Israel?” She ate a piece of her bagel. “Actually, I left everything behind. I came here with my passport, a bit of money and the clothes I wear. Everything else stayed in Israel.” She forced a smile. He noticed that she didn’t wear a David-star necklace; that meant that she didn’t buy herself a new one. “Do you want to go shopping today?” he asked. “We should get you some clothes, what do you think?” She looked into his eyes. “Wait, are you offering to _go shopping_ voluntarily? I thought guys don’t like doing that.” An insecure smile spread out on her face. Her eyes glowed. He had missed that expression so much, so he just grinned back. “Well, you can also wear one of my shirts if that's what you prefer” he replied. They smiled and continued eating. How could they be so close to being happy together after all that happened? The answer was written in the stars. The sun shone brightly. 

After they finished breakfast, they drove to a shopping center. Ziva herself wasn't too amused (she'd never liked shopping particularly much, except if it was for guns), but the longer they went around together, the better they got along. They stopped at a Thai restaurant to have lunch and Tony later bought himself a few more DVDs.

Finally they got home, the arms full of bags with clothes, shoes, movies and food. “How much money did we spend?” Ziva asked, embarassed when Tony opened the door. “I think I won’t have to buy anything the following moths, we purchased enough clothes and food for a whole family” Tony replied. “But I’d better go to work tomorrow, just to make sure that I have bit money left over.” He joked. They put the food into the fridge, the clothes into the closet and the movies into the big stable cupboard. “I am kind of really tired. Mind if I just go to bed and don’t eat dinner? I ate too much at that Thai restaurant.” She told him later. “Same for me” He stopped to wish her a good night, thinking about lecturing her about the fact that pregnant women need a healthy nutrition more than anyone else, and they somehow bumped into each other. She felt his breath on her forehead and quickly moved away after hesitating just a second too long. “Good night, my ninja” he said jokingly and smiled at her, blush creeping up his cheeks. “Good night, Tony.” He insecurely turned around and went to the couch before it could get any more awkward. An hour later, Ziva lay on the bed, staring into the dark, and thinking what she could have done differently or better. Should she have kissed him? She didn’t know. At last, she fell asleep.


	7. 04:23 AM

 

DiNozzo awoke because it was unusually hot in here. Once he opened his eyes, he could see nothing but dense fog. Not fog. _Smoke._ Before he could react, a hand grabbed his collar and he was brutally dragged out of his apartment. “DiNozzo, are you okay?” Tony needed a second to process what was going on. “Your apartment is on fire, Tony!” He looked straight into the icy blue eyes of his boss. “You're lucky I got you out of there, the firefighters are already on their way, but anything else in there will be burnt to ashes before they arrive.” Tony gasped for breath. Without even stopping to think, he ran back into the apartment without hesitation. “Hey!” Gibbs shouted.

DiNozzo fought his way through the flames to his bedroom. The smoke brought tears to his eyes, blurring his vision until he thought he might never see the light of the day again. “Ziva!” he yelled, his voice cracking.

She lay lifeless on the edge of his bed, the eyes closed. Barely able to make out her shape, he managed to pick her up, when a sudden wall of flames came into his way. Tony screamed. He could hear Gibbs from the other end of the room. “What the _hell_ are you doing?” Tony couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t see. He couldn't answer. His jacket had caught on fire, but all that mattered was to get Ziva out. Tony stumbled and ran, only vaguely feeling the heat and the pain connected to it. He reached the living room and then – finally – Gibbs pushed them out. He drowned the flames on DiNozzo’s jacket, and then he saw the woman lying on the floor, smoky and apparently dead. “Boss, please, is she- is she breathing?” Tony asked, barely loud enough for Gibbs to understand. His cheeks were streaked with tears, not to say if it was because of the fire or because of _her_. “I can’t loose her again” he whispered, his voice loaded with agony beyond the physical. Gibbs felt her pulse and nodded at Tony. She was alive. “Damn it, don’t you have a fire extinguisher?” His boss asked. DiNozzo could barely speak with his lungs dry and full of smoke. “Let’s get you into a hospital” he said as Tony didn’t answer. Tony was glad, that Gibbs didn’t ask what Ziva was doing in his apartment let alone in his bed.

The firefighters arrived and moved them back into the hospital. He passed out.

 

When he woke up, he didn’t open his eyes, knowing Gibbs was in the room. He wasn’t in the mood to answer questions, not in the mood to explain. First, he had to sort out everything in his head. Where had the fire come from? He hadn’t left his stove on or anything like that, he’d been careful with everything, even more since Ziva had come back. Somebody must have started the fire on purpose; he saw no other possibility that could have happened. Guilt crept over him nonetheless, he should have noticed it, and he should have saved her earlier. The nurses were talking fast and silently in the back, but he overheard a few words. “…young woman… coma… barely breathing… get her through… we’ll see…” He took a deep breath. Was she going to make it? What if not? He wouldn’t be able to live with that. Having left her in Israel, which had already been pretty hard for him, but watching her die in the hospital because of something that happened in _his_ apartment? In the time gone by, he had lived through so much and he wasn’t sure if he could take any more. Suddenly, he understood how Ziva had felt before she had left. He wasn’t even thinking about giving up his job and everything else like she did, but he just needed a break from everything. But first, he wanted to get to whoever was responsible for Ziva being coma and he wanted them to pay for it.

“It’s not your fault, you know.” Tony sat up, turning around to where Gibbs sat in the other corner of the room. “I know” He replied drily, not believing his own words. He should have been more careful and none of this would have happened. “I didn’t act negligently; I never left the oven on fire or anything like that. Someone else did this and either Ziva or me or both of us were supposed to die in that fire!” His voice cracked, remembering that it was a long time ago since him and Ziva had last been an _us_. When did things become so difficult? “Yeah, but you made it, DiNozzo, you saved her. Everything's alright.” Gibbs tried to calm him. Tony forced himself to nod. “I saved her.” He repeated.

DiNozzo still couldn’t say how thankful he was that Gibbs didn’t start asking. His boss obviously noticed how upset he was about everything, but Tony knew that that this wouldn't be a permanent state. Sooner or later, he’d have to answer questions to which he didn’t even know the answers himself. He heard a nurse walking in and listened to what she was telling Gibbs while he was still pretending to be asleep: “We’ll give Special Agent DiNozzo another dose of morphine to make sure he gets enough sound sleep to recover. He’s in a stable state, not so the other patient. Ms David has still not woken up. We keep her in coma, but we wanted to ask you first, if there is something we should know about her, any medical information about her or something like that, before we drug her to be better able to find out what keeps her passed out for so long. It can’t just come from the fume poisoning and she couldn’t have breathed that much smoke.” Tony wasn’t sure if he was going to regret it, but he sat up straightly and said: “You can’t drug her.”

The nurse turned around to him, a surprised look on her face. “How long exactly have you been awake?” “A few hours” Gibbs replied for him, smiling. Tony would have laughed if his head didn’t hurt so much. “Extremely funny. But what do you mean, we can’t drug her?” “Because…” It felt so uncomfortable to be forced to say this in front of his boss. He’d like to have told it to him in different circumstances, not in a hospital in front of a nurse. “She’s pregnant, okay?” After saying it, he noticed that it came out furiously, of course not purposely. Until now, he somehow managed to cover all that anger he had bottled up inside him, but now it was too late. He bit on his lips, forcing himself not to let any more spill. The nurse simply said “Thank you for telling us” and nodded before leaving the room again. She may have noticed that these two definitely had to talk this through. Gibbs took a deep breath. “So when were you going to tell me, Tony?” DiNozzo looked down, a sudden feeling of guilt crawling up in his stomach. “I hadn’t told anyone yet. I don’t know how I should do that; I just found it out myself two days ago. Everything is just so confusing and … I don’t know. Isn't it her responsibility to tell people?” Tony didn’t want to look in the deep grey-ish blue eyes of his boss. He just hoped that Gibbs would understand.

“When did she come back to Washington?” “I don’t know. She showed up the day I got out of the hospital and I let her stay at my place.” Surprisingly, Gibbs smirked a little. “That’s okay. Yeah, that’s good.” “What?” “Get some rest, Tony.” “Can you look after her? Wake me up if there’s news about her?” _I don’t want to lose her again_. These words left unsaid, they were plastered all over his mind in an endless loop. She had left him already a few times, the time she stayed in Israel after Michael Rivkin had died and the time just a few months ago, but it would be something entirely else if she died. Tony couldn’t imagine how it had to be living in the sure knowledge that she could never possibly return. Death was too final for him to imagine. He felt how the drugs were slowly dragging him back to sleep. _Please, let them not have given her these, too. Please let the morphine not have negative effects the baby._ Tony tried to lift his arm to say something to make sure Gibbs understood what he meant, but he was too weak.

“I’m sure you’ll be a great dad, Tony.” He heard his boss whispering before he passed out.

 

 


	8. a few rooms away

Everything was blurry. With each blink, she regained more of er vision until she was able to see properly again. White walls, white beds, everything was white. Memories came back slowly. She remembered flames, smoke, the feeling of not being able to move. The apartment had burnt down. And it was all her fault.

Her mind managed to form only one thought. _Tony_.

Carefully, she stood up and untied herself from all the infusion sleeves. Everything was spinning around her, but she kept going. “Hey!” the woman in the other bed in her room yelled. “Where the hell are you going? You can’t just stand up and leave! Are you even listening to me?” Ziva’s hands reached for something to grab a hold of, but there was nothing. She tripped out of the door frame, feeling dizzier than ever before. “Lady! Hey! You’re going to hurt yourself if you go on like that! What the shit!” The woman’s screams didn’t get to her, all she heard was the noise of her blood rushing through her head, which worsened her headache.

Her sight became fuzzy again and she sank against the wall. “Tony…” she murmured. “It’s not over. We’re… not save in the … hospital…” _I won’t faint. I won’t be as weak as they expect me to be. I can’t give up now. I need to protect him. I need to protect them all. They can’t die because of me. They’re all in danger. Why didn’t I stay in Israel? Then they wouldn’t have burnt Tony’s apartment._ A thousand things were going on in her mind. It was all too much. _Get up. Stop lying on the floor, that won’t help anyone. What happened to the tough woman I once was? I can’t be that weak. Just get up. GET THE HELL UP!_ She heard her own voice screaming inside her head, but there was nothing she could do. It was like she was looking down on herself, lying leaned against the wall, she tried to move forcefully but nothing happened. She’s had that feeling before. When the room was burning, when the flames were devouring the apartment she had felt exactly the same way. Why? Since when was she so helpless?

* * *

 

The nurse came down the corridor, called by the woman’s shouts. “What is it?” The nurse asked politely. “Ms David is on the floor. She just stood up and walked out. I guess she collapsed.” The woman explained throatily. She had screamed herself hoarse. “Oh, my god.”

They saw her lying on the ground, in the blue hospital gown. “We need someone here!” The nurse called, trying to right Ziva’s flaccid body. Gibbs came running out of Tony’s room. Without saying something, he helped the nurse to lift Ziva and put her back into her bed. “What happened?” He asked the woman who had called for help. “She… she just stood up and tried to walk out. She toddled towards the other room… and I didn’t understand what she said but she said that she isn’t save in here. No, wait, she wasn’t just talking about herself… she said we. About whom was she talking? Who even is she? Is she some kind of terrorist or assassin? Did I help a fugitive? Oh my god-” The woman stuttered, insecurely tapping with her fingers on the edge of the bed.

“It’s alright. She isn’t an assassin. She’s a good person. You did everything right. Thank you. She has been a federal agent and maybe you saved her life. But first of all, calm down. Okay?” The woman’s eyes became bigger as she took a deep breath. “Yes. Wow, okay. I saved a federal agent” she repeated and looked very proud of herself. “Wait; are you a federal agent, too?” “Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs, ma’am.” He introduced himself, a smirk on the face. He knew that the nurse was taking care of Ziva and that it wouldn’t help if the woman here would just keep nervously talking and interrupting everything, so he chatted a bit with her. “Wow, this is so cool. Um, I am Anne. I have a cupcake shop at the end of the street down there, but I got hit by a car and broke pretty much every possible bone, me and my bad luck. But I’m fine, I’ll be fine…” She talked a lot and told him lots of things and he suddenly realized that she maybe had no one else to talk to, even if she was such a sunshiny person.  

He had to go over to DiNozzo, tell him about Ziva. “We got Ms David in a stable state again. She’ll be asleep for a few hours but it’s a good thing that she at last woke up. I can’t say much more” the nurse said. Gibbs nodded. Meanwhile, Ziva was yelling without anyone knowing. _Notice me! Help me! I am awake! Why can’t I move? HELP ME!_

* * *

 

“She freaking _collapsed on the floor trying to go to my room to tell me I’m in danger_ and you wait until I wake up by myself to inform me about this?” DiNozzo gasped.

“Yes, but …“ “I want to talk to the nurse.” “Would you just let me finish -” “No.” Tony interrupted his boss again. He was so furious that he didn’t care if Gibbs would be angry at him. Maybe it wasn’t fury he felt; maybe it was worry, covered up in anger. Gibbs went out and returned a minute later with the ginger nurse from the days before. “What can I do for you, Mr. DiNozzo?” she asked politely and smiled.

He cleared his throat, and then he began: “First of all, I want you to instantly wake me up the next time Ms. David passes out on the floor after trying to tell me something important. Secondly, I don’t want you to let things like this happen again to her. This is supposed to be a safe place here, a place to recover.” The nurse wanted to interrupt, but Tony didn’t allow her. “No wait, I even got a better idea. You can put Ms. David into the empty bed here right beside me so I can take care of her when _you_ have more important stuff to do than _saving her damn life_.” “Short reminder that the nurses probably saved her life” Gibbs interjected.

“But that wouldn’t have been necessary if they’d better taken care of her!” Tony argued, not giving up on his opinion. “We understand that you’re stubborn as a mule - “The nurse tried to say, but she got interrupted by an angry DiNozzo who was gasping for breath. “Did you just call me _mule_? That’s it. I’m so done with this hospital. Gibbs? I want to leave.”

Gibbs couldn’t help but smiling because his best agent was behaving like an arrogant child. “That must be the drugs affecting him and his emotions. I’m sorry; he’s normally not like this. But would you mind putting Agent David in his room? I guess that would calm him down a lot…” Gibbs excused to the nurse. She shrugged. “I’ll ask the doctor and do my best to convince him.” He smiled thankfully. “Thanks. That would be great.”

Tony lied back in his bed again, weak and tired. “Why do you do this for me?” His words came out silently and in a cracked voice. The drugs were dragging him back to sleep, or maybe it was just exhaustion. “'Cause I see that you’re not okay. I’d get you anything you need to get you recovered, and if she is what you need, fine.” DiNozzo suppressed a cough. “What about rule number twelve?” he questioned throaty. “She quit. Remember? So technically... you’re not co-workers.” Did Gibbs just give his blessing to them for being together?

Before Tony could ask or add anything to that, his boss assigned: “Get some rest, Tony. If Ziva was right about here not being safe, then you should hurry up with recovering. I don’t want you two to get yourself killed again.” “Three.” Tony corrected. “What?” “We should count the baby too, Gibbs.” And with these words, he closed his eyes and drifted off into dreamless sleep once again.

 

 


	9. waking

The next time he woke up, something had changed. The bed next to him wasn’t empty any more.

_Ziva._

He turned his head even though it hurt, to see her lying there. Her eyes were closed, her hair was messy and parts of her arms were scraped up. _That must come from when she crashed against the wall_ , he thought. The feeling in his stomach was hard to define, he wasn't sure whether it was guilt or pity. He knew that somewhere deep down in him was another feeling hidden that he had already had before she came back, even before she left.

The thought of it made the pain in his head just worse. _When is it going to stop? Is it going to stop at all? What if it just goes on and on?_ Without thinking what he was doing, he reached out for Ziva’s hand. _Maybe it does. Maybe there is no stopping the pain. But maybe I can learn to live with it. Make the best of it. It ends up in more pain one way or another._ His thoughts weren’t about physical pain any more. He felt his hand touching hers and his skin prickled.

_She isn’t awake anyways_ , he told himself, _and she won’t notice it_. Carefully, he locked his fingers into hers. It felt good. The last times he did this, it hadn’t ended well. In Berlin, they got hit by a car and in Israel… He didn’t want to remind himself of it. The mental pain had been much worse than the physical pain after the car crash. _Why isn’t she waking up? What if she’s dead? What if I got her killed? What if I killed her and the baby?_ He squeezed her hand to get rid of these thoughts and tried to remember Gibbs’ words. _You saved her. I’m sure you’ll be a great dad. You saved her. You saved her._ Tony took a deep breath and closed his eyes. _Everything is going to be alright_. He flinched as he

All of a sudden, he felt Ziva’s hand moving. Was she waking up? She was squeezing back. “I’m here,” he whispered, “I’m not going to leave you. Ziva?” He didn’t even think of letting go of her hand. She didn’t move, just another weak squeeze. “Can you hear me?” He breathed. It had to cost her so much strength, but she squeezed again. “Why don’t you open your eyes, Ziva?” Even though he said it very calm, his voice was heavy with pain. “Why don’t you wake up?” No answer.

She looked so peaceful, like no harm had ever been done to her. Like she had never harmed anybody.

“I’m sorry for what happened. I swear we are going to be alright. We went through so much together, remember? The great Ziva David isn’t going to die from an oven fire.” He didn’t know if she was still listening, or if she had ever been listening. In the end, wasn’t important; talking to her had a calming effect. “Remember that time we were locked up in a truck filled with false money, only shortly after we met? You shoot that guy in his food, that’s what I remember. I wouldn't admit it, but I was incredibly impressed. Oh, I remember more. We threw that money out of the air slot to make a trace for Gibbs and McGee. It’s a good memory, to me it is. Maybe it's the same for you.” His voice cracked and he looked back at her face. It still hadn’t changed. The pain crawled up his throat again, ready to take over his mind, but then, against any expectations of another reaction, she squeezed his hand again, this time, more powerful than before. It was like an affirmation of everything he said. He couldn’t help that a short laugh escaped his mouth. “You make me go crazy, you know that.” The pain was slowly getting pushed back by relief. Tony even grinned a bit. “In a good way, I suppose.” He added. Though he knew she was hurting him in so many things she did and she had done, he didn’t doubt what he said next.

“You’re probably the best that ever happened to me, Ziva David.” Her eyes were closed and he knew it couldn’t be easy for her to react somehow, but a faint painful smile took place on her lips. It was gone within a blink, yet it was enough for Tony. Maybe she was hurting him, but she was also the only woman who could possibly make him happy like this.

 

* * *

 

 

Gibbs walked in and saw them both laying there. They were holding hands. He sat down on the chair next to his longest known agent.

 “Tony”, he began, “If it’s true what Ziva tried to say, that you can’t stay here, then you shouldn’t spend another day in the hospital.” DiNozzo turned his head around to look straight into the sea grey eyes of his boss. “She’s awake.” “What? Look at her, her eyes are closed and she’s barely breathing. That’s not what I call awake, DiNozzo…” “She isn’t that awake, something keeps her from reacting and being able to move, but she understands what I’m saying. Her mind is functioning flawlessly, but her body is somehow still in coma. That’s possible, right?” “Don’t ask me that, Ducky knows this stuff by far better than me. But technically yes, it should be possible.” Gibbs looked at Ziva worried, she was so pale. “That was not how I hoped to see her again” he admitted.

“She’s going to be alright.” Tony was surprised to hear himself saying this, it came out like the easiest thing ever even though he’d spent the last hours – no, days – worrying about that. “I’m sure she is.” Tony carefully lifted up their folded hands to show Gibbs. “I talked to her, not expecting an answer. She understands me. She understands us right now. When she squeezes my hand, it means yes. When she doesn’t do anything, it means no or she doesn’t know. Ask something, Gibbs.”

Gibbs nodded. “How important is it to get out of the hospital?” _Very important._ She squeezed his hand. He nodded again. “You think you can wake up soon? Because we can’t walk out of the hospital; carrying a motionless body.” _I don’t know._ Their hands rested like they were no movement. “Recover. We won’t leave here without you.” This time it was Tony’s hand which squeezed hers. It hurt Gibbs, because he saw how much pain it caused for DiNozzo how Ziva wouldn’t wake up.

“I can ask for agents to stand around here and protect you while she’s still asleep.” He suggested. It was on purpose that he’d said _asleep_ and not _in a coma_. “I don’t know if that’s necessary. Maybe one or two, I don’t want a whole Special Forces squad in the hospital room. I guess it’s also enough if you just stay in audible reach. Isn’t it?” She squeezed weakly. “I’m outside on the corridor, just call if you need something. If she isn’t awake in at least four hours, I’m finding a way to drag a motionless body out of the hospital.” Gibbs walked out and Tony smiled, but his grin fainted as he realized this hadn’t been a joke.

 Tony slowly pulled Ziva’s hand towards him and carefully kissed her fingertip. _Please wake up._

The next hours, he spent waiting, holding her hand and listening to his own heartbeat. He repeated words over and over in his head, thought about everything that happened. The evening before the fire, he thought, he should have kissed her. What if it was too late now and he would never get another opportunity to? Next to him, Ziva gasped for breath. Her eyes were opened. “Tony!” She yelped, sitting up. He let go of her hand. Did she remember everything? “Ziva” he answered, a weak smile on his lips. “I won’t faint again.” She confessed out loud. “Are you sure?” Her eyes met his eyes, and she nodded. It was still hurting to look at her.

_When is the pain going to stop?_

“I’ll call Gibbs; he’ll take us to his house.”

_Is it going to stop at all?_

“Thank you.” She replied calmly.

_What if it just goes on and on?_

Gibbs entered the room and smiled when he saw Ziva sitting there, awake.

“Time to get the two of you outta here.”

 


End file.
